You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
