two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
