I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
