my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
