one might say we're banned from that church
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
