I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
