My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
