she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
