Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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