It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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