They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
