her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
