have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
