no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
