im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
