Screwed.edu
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
