apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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