so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
