PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
