proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
