i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
