I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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