One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
