You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
