running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
