Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
