Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
