I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
