One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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