So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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