This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
