I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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