Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
