So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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