If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
