we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
