She is in my trunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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