if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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