Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
