My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
