I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
