Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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