im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize