He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
