Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.

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(812): View more from Indiana

the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together

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(817): View more from Texas

I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating

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(703): View more from Virginia

positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier

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(619): View more from California

Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar

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(361): View more from Texas

He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.

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(260): View more from Indiana

How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?

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