nut hugger
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
