FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I supernannyed him into submission
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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