Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
