no, he came in my armpit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't turn off my feet"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
