I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
