I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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