Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
