it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
