sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
