i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
