At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
