I just threw up on my dentist
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
