so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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