fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
