i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
