turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
