This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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