I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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