using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
