So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
