You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
