i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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