You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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