She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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