Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
