I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He shit in the fireplace
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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