those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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