Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
