If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
