Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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