We named our party play list daddy issues
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
