dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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