Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
